A letter to Mike's second wife

All humour aside for a minute, Mr. Ford & I watched a movie on Tuesday. It was a sad movie. A widower with children ended up getting in to a new relationship then finding a letter his late wife wrote to 'her'.

I cried. I wailed. Although I complain about Mr. Ford a lot (as he gives me so much material), I love him so much sometimes I think I might eat him. I told him we should do that for each other & he made fun of me. So I'll do it anyway because I'LL BE the bigger man!


Here goes nothing:

Dear new Mrs. Ford...

My lord what have you gotten yourself in to?

THE END.



Just kidding...




Hello my friend. If you are receiving this letter, he must be in love you. I am grateful that he does. I am grateful that you are here.

Maybe you're different from me. More worldly, less hot-headed, more forgiving. He deserves that.

I hope that you tell him everyday that you love him. I hope you never let him get away with anything & put the hammer down. I hope you cook well. He likes beans & soups & a cholesterol heart attack inducing amount of free range eggs. No tomatoes or olives, he'll just spit them out.

He likes Downy Unstoppables in his laundry. He likes you to fold the laundry. He gets irritated when a sock is missing.
He says funny things in his sleep & he will listen & laugh about it when you tell him what exactly he said.
He likes to own new & fancy things for bragging rights.
He gets depressed when hockey season is over.

Please let him have lots of pets because he likes them a lot. I know the way he interacts with them is freaky, but I think it's because he didn't have a pet until he was in his twenties & that messed him up.

I would really appreciate if you could encourage him to take chances & try new things because he gets comfortable & stops expanding his horizons.

He is an amazing individual but an even more amazing partner. Take care of him & allow yourself to be taken care of. His cooking is not as bad as it used to be but he gives nice foot rubs  (lie & tell him there's something in it for him).
 I hope you have babies with him because he would be a great dad. I pray that the poor thing is slow & fat so you don' have to be a hockey mom AND a hockey wife.

I am jealous of you.
Cherish those beautiful moments. I would love to be in your place when you marry him, when you have his cranky little babies, when you finish renovating your dream house, when you travel, pay your last mortgage payment & watch the babies graduate & have their own weddings Enjoy all these moments but don't feel guilty.
I am terrified of him loving someone else but I couldn't bear for him to be alone (and dirty & starving) for the rest of his life. For that, I am forever grateful to you.  Thank-you for giving him a second chance. I hope you both can make the best of it.

I loved that goober. I'd never take back any of the bitching & humour at his expense, because that's how you are able to survive with him, but I do regret not making him feel appreciated & adored. I hope you'll be able to do better than I could.

Good luck my friend. Remember: no olives.