Introducing the big kahuna, the wild cycling wildebeest, my giver-of-birth... MaryAnne.
Personality wise, you has an 'interesting' sense of humour. She laughs at her jokes which makes me laugh but she thinks that I am laughing because her jokes are funny. She is adventurous, energetic & up for anything.
MaryAnne has a strange form of dyslexia which I think everyone can relate to at one point or another (but don't live with everyday).
She will have a phrase in her head but when it comes out of her mouth the words are not in the correct place in her sentence structure & it sounds like gibberish to anybody but her close friends & family.
For instance: MaryAnne was once attempting to comment on storm doors. In this case, I didn't even try to comprehend the gibberish as I was keeled over. The sentence came out "Why come inside-out door?". Why come indeed MaryAnne...
Another time she was trying to blurt out "Freak-of-nature" (which is her favourite insult along with 'freakshow' & 'big dummy') & what came out was 'Frit-a-nakur' which is now MY new favourite insult.
MaryAnne loves animals, especially her dog Muffin. She enjoys singing songs about the dog in a high-pitched voice (the chorus is 'MUFFINEST MUFFIN IN THE WORLD, IN THE WORLD!).
MaryAnne also enjoys her cottage, Labatts light beer, going out for dinners, going to bars that could get her killed (the Sherbrook) and now that we don't live together anymore, she especially loves me.
MaryAnne dislikes sweets, lamb, bags flying around in the street, mooches & massages (not that she's ever had one. She just assumes the masseuse will get 'turn-on' by touching her).
She will tell you that she doesn't like when people swear but she excludes herself from this equation. Apparently saying 'pardon my French' after you've dropped an F-Bomb cancels it out.
MaryAnne has been single off & on since dad kicked the bucket in 2004, not for lack of interest but for her own damn standards. She tolerated a lot from my dad & now she's 'paying-back' the male species by having unrealistic standards & expecting to not presented with any challenges when in a relationship (imperfect men need not apply!).
She seems to think she makes up for this by having varied tastes in physical appearances.
Must haves are: not married, good teeth, good hair & must be taller than her.
Although the men she has been in relationships with include a Mexican bandito (just kidding Randy) & Mr. Clean (just kidding Todd).
What she really needs is someone who enjoys both quiet, lazy days along with travelling & having a good time. He must also like to eat as this is another one of her favourite hobbies.
Yeah guys I know she's a handful, I lived with her for 19 freaking years, but if you 'get with' my mom, then you actually get the greatest gift of all, BEING MY NEW DAD! Don't pretend that's not what you've been wanting the whole time... I would give special preference to contractors, plumbers, electricians & landscapers. My house needs a lot of work.
I also have a single grandma that I might consider offers for as well.
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