A day in Mr. Ford's life consists of: playing hockey, mucking around in fantasy hockey, going to a Jets game, going home to watch the end of another game, watching the highlights of the games he's already watched (usually more than once because Sports Centre plays on a loop), playing NHL on PSP, reading the hockey news magazine, catching up on hockey commentator tweets then looking at the league standings on Game Centre.
I've already lost him to his hockey mistress & accept that he's not coming back. So if you can't beat em' join em.
Whiners with nothing else to do need not try to tell me that I'm not a 'real' fan because of what I enjoy about the game. That's crap. I love the game. So if appreciating the men on the ice makes me a bad person, well then I guess I am a very naughty girl.
Without further ado, here is my (female friendly) analysis of the Winnipeg Jets starting with the D men.
#33 Dustin Byfuglien:
Age: 28Height: 6'5"
Weight: 265 lbs
Origin: Minneapolis, USA
Salary: $5,200,000
Availability: Long time girlfriend & new baby girl.
Comments: Nothing against the guy, but why is his name not pronounced properly? BY-FOOG-LEE-IN!
Buff is a beast. Looks great in Under-Armour.
I think he's got amazing potential to be a huge force (Hey I'm a freaking 6'5" monster, you wanna go?) but he interviews like he's just eaten a bowl of Ritalin.
I'm kind of disappointed in how I expected him to preform (based on how great he was in Chicago) & how he's actually producing for the Jets.
Overall grade: C
#44 Zach Bogosian
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 215 lbs
Origin: Massena, USA
Salary: $2,500,000
Availability: Says he has a girlfriend in the states? Kinda/sorta dating Earl's girls here?
Comments: What an Adonis.
Other than giving away a lot of free pizzas (turnovers), I can't say enough good things about this one. I could watch this guy slap shots from the blue line all day. A pretty emotional player which makes for good entertainment in you like a good pushin' & shovin'. Just an all round beauty.
Overall grade: A-
# 6 Ron Hainsey
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 210 lbs
Origin: Bolton, USA
Salary: $4,500,000
Availability: Who cares (married with a kid though)
Comments: Just awful.
Ron seems like a pretty educated & well spoken guy in interviews, but it just pains me to watch him on the ice. No speed, no force & no skill. We should be paying Boston to take him.
Overall grade: D-
#5 Mark Stuart
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 213 lbs
Origin: Rochester, USA
Salary: $1,700,000
Availability: Single
Comments: Stuuuuuuuu has a great jaw line. It's the same as Disney's Hercules.
Unfortunately, he rubs me as one of those guys who's personality is great to make up for being pretty forgettable on the ice.
Overall grade: C
#25 Zach Redmond
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 205 lbs
Origin: Traverse City, USA
Salary: $875,000
Availability: My Internet stalking skills have failed me...
Comments: A young gun.
I never noticed saw anything to love in him. He's currently getting a lot of press for an injury he suffered that could have killed him: Buzzfeed.com
To his credit, he seems to be a pretty decent guy off the ice.
Overall grade: C+
#39 Tobias Enstrom
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 180 lbs
Origin: Nordingra, Sweden (sounds like the name of an Ikea chair)
Salary: $5,750,000
Availability: Single
Comments: Does well with the ladies: thedirty.com
Too small to be my kind of player so I don't think I'll ever understand why he gets all the ice time that he does. Seems to get pushed around & injured a lot by much larger players. Has enough once in a while though & pushes back. Makes for good entertainment.I have to wonder how someone can be in a perpetual state of always needing a haircut.
Overall grade: C+
# 24 Grant Clitsome
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 215 lbs
Origin: Gloucester, Canada
Salary: $1,250,000
Availability: Married
Comments: Awwwww look at that smile! Look at those teeth! What a pretty, pretty man. I hear his nickname is 'Clitty'.
Another very emotional player but without even hitting six feet, he doesn't have all that much to back it up with. but unfortunately has not stood out as an above average player as of yet. But hey, if his career playing for the Jets goes south, I'm sure he'd sell a lot of jackets modelling for them.
Overall grade: B-
# 23 Arturs Kulda
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 215 lbs
Origin: Riga, Latvia
Salary: $555,000
Availability: COME ON COMPUTER I JUST WANT TO POKE AROUND IN PEOPLE'S LIVES!!
Comments: I don't know sh*t about this guy. It's fun to say his name & that's about it. Artuuuuurs.
Overall grade: ?
#7 Derek Meech
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 200 lbs
Origin: Winnipeg, Canada
Salary: $700,000
Availability: Married.
Comments: I don't know sh*t about this guy either. Go Winnipeg!
Overall grade: ?
#5 Jacob Trouba
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 187 lbs
Origin: Rochester, USA
Salary: $1,858,333
Availability: Too young anyway.
Comments: This guy just got signed from the University of Michigan & has arrived in Winnipeg...and not because he's finished his degree...
They are making jerseys with his name on them & he hasn't even played a game yet, whaddaya think of that!?
Although not the heftiest guy, he is a heavy hitter. I am enthralled to see what he will bring to the team. I also appreciate that homeboy is white as glue. I just know we'll be best friends forever.
Overall grade: B
#4 Paul Postma
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 195 lbs
Origin: Red Deer, Canada
Salary: $555,000
Availability: I give up.
Comments: Easy on the eyes & I think we can all appreciate THAT! I just wish this kid had a 'thing'. Thorburn fights, Kane gets breakaways, Burmistrov deeks, Postma...interviews well? Much to my dismay, I can't see him being anything more than a fourth liner.
Overall grade: C
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