I think we can all relate to our fantasies being crudely shredded by the psycho b*tch that is reality.
We were all children once (I think). So here, presented for your enjoyment are some points I've compiled with fantasy situations & the reality of the situation.
Today's topic: An array of childhood fantasies about being an adult & the reality of being an adult counterpart.
Fantasy: I'm 15 years old mom, I've wanted a piercing since I was 12. They look so cool & I want to express myself & be bad-ass. You know damn well that I'm just gonna go on my 18th birthday & do it anyway, just sign the damn permission slip (MaryAnne: "no").
Reality: Well I showed you didn't I!?
I DID go to the body mod shop & get a piercing on my 18th birthday. HAHA mom don't you look dumb now.
Then I got another one and another one & another one & another one until I had 7. Now I'm out about $350.00 & my boss doesn't know that underneath this communications machine, there are a lot of holes from a vengeful first 3 years of being an adult. This is because I push a steel ring in to my nostrils before 8:30am.
Don't get me wrong, I love piercings, but it seems the older you are the more work they are to maintain & to work around. Likely because although you might get away with a pusy, swollen, infected piercing at school, That sh*t don't look good in an interview. Good luck getting that food industry job you want.
Fantasy: Adults have credit cards, they can buy whatever they want whenever they want it. When I turn 18 & get a credit card, I'll be rolling in the honeys!
Reality: Credit cards are the most evil thing to come out of corporate America since (and probably prior to) Monsanto.
They are genius in their role as a corporation, which is to benefit their stake holders.
Whenever I hear something perplexing that makes our society sound like oxymoronous boneheads, I try to imagine myself explaining it to someone from a foreign, remote society.
FOB: Oh hey Ginger, what's this plastic thing that got mailed to me with the word 'Mastercard' on it?
Me: Oh no Zafrulah, don't use that, it's a bad idea. You buy things with that card & then if you don't pay it back with ACTUAL money quick enough, they charge you 27% interest.
FOB: What? That's outrageous. I'm never using this ever. But I found some really nice avocados online that I'd like to order, can you help me buy them?
ME: Oh, then you need to use the credit card.
FOB: No! I won't, that is crazy. I am not going to pay 27% interest, I am going to save all my money to put a down payment down on a car & a house.
Me: Oh sorry, I forgot to mention, to have the things you want in life you're going to need to buy things on your Mastercard so that the loan companies can check your credit & loan you money to buy bigger things. Make sense?
Fantasy: Yay when I have my own house all the mail will come to me! I'll have so many letters from my dear pen pals & loyalists! They'll write to me about how much they love my blog & how honest & funny I am!
Reality: A or B or both.
A- You buy your house from a pack of travelling gypsies & every piece of exciting looking mail turns out to be for 'Shoshanna the goddess of night'. Lady, if you want your tax return, it's on top of my fridge.
Or B- Lorin McLaughlin comes to your house everyday to drop off a piece of paper to 'remind' you that she is a real estate agent & that you own a house. FACK I almost want to let her sell my house just so she'll go away & stop leaving her mug shots in my mailbox EVEN AFTER Mr. Ford very kindly asked her to stop as she was wasting paper.
Fantasy: Oh boy, when I'm older I'm going to have to shop for groceries & I'm going to buy all of the things I like! Screw you mom & dad, there'll be no more no name digestive cookies for me!
Reality: Another A or B or both.
A- HOLLY F*CK when did cereal become 6 bucks a pop? This is ridiculous. I know the master plan behind this. They'll make you spend $12 on two boxes of cereal, you won't have enough left in your food budget to buy much of anything else so you'll be stuck eating cereal for breakfast & dinner, run out in a week & have to buy MORE CEREAL! When I have babies they're eating toast for breakfast.
B- Oh my god maybe buying a week's worth of black forest cake wasn't such a good idea... Now I'm a fat lard. I want to go back to my mom's house & eat low calorie canned pears.
Fantasy: Why won't you let me have a dog/cat/hamster/seagull/peacock/alligator? I'll take good care of it, you won't even know it's there? OH FIGS I can't wait until I'm older & I can have soooo many pets.
Reality: Mr. Ford & I have 4 pets. We don't own them, they own us. Sometimes I feel like I am their slave.
Before anyone comes over we vacuum & I STILL have to recommend that our guests do not wear white.
Mr. Ford also has to scoop cat poo probably twice a week because I won't allow myself to breath the ammonia & have mutant babies from poisoned eggs. (Side note: Does anyone else have cats that see you scooping litter box poo & decide that they need to barge in & take a sh*t right then & there?)
It means that Mr. Ford has to scoop dog poo off our deck & in to the neighbour's yard once a week as well.
I adore my pets. But sometimes they're just a**holes. And I look pretty stupid going off on a tangent on the dog for losing all it's hair on the new area rug.
decent
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