Nik Antropov:
Age: 33
Height: 6'6"
Weight: 245lbs
Origin: Ust-Lamenogrorsk Kazakstan (heeeeeeeeeey MACARENA)
Salary: $4,062,500
Availability: Married with kids.
Comments: Oh Antropov, I truly, desperately wish you were a better player. This guy is huge & could be an absolute damage inducing psycho on the ice but just doesn't seem like he gives a sh*t. (I've already got my 4 million dollars I stole so eff you guys!) Also, slow as hell.
On the bright side, although he's a disappointing player this season, he has the sexiest baritone voice I've heard in my life & one of those accents that makes you think 'oh my goodness what a fascinating place you must come from' & not 'Oh for f*ck sakes stop talking this is painful'.
Bryan Little:
Age: 25
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 185 lbs
Origin: Edmonton Canada
Salary: $2,383,333
Availability: Long term relationship.
Comments: Lots of hype around this one. I just don't know if I can fit on the bandwagon.
He's on the first line with Ladd & Wheeler & I feel like you could put a flip-flop on the ice with them & they'd still at least get some great shots. Kinda reminds me of Goldilocks & the 3 bears.
Overall grade: C+
Alexander Burmistrov
Age: 21
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 180 lbs
Origin: Kazan Russia
Salary: $1,500,000
Availability: Supposedly had or has a Russian girlfriend?
Comments: Mr. Ford's favorite player despite all my chirping.
I acknowledge that this guy has some puck-handling skills. He wins face offs & is always chasing the guy with the puck. All that being said, I don't know why he has so few goals to his name. What's holding this kid back? He's been tried on multiple lines, maybe he's just a dick & on one has any chemistry with him.
On a personal note, I wouldn't want to be barely an adult & moving to a different continent where I don't know the language. He seems to be good natured despite the odds being against him.
Overall grade: C+
Olli Jokinen:
Age: 34
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 210 lbs
Origin: Kuopio Finland
Salary: $4,500,000
Availability: Married with 2 daughters.
Comments: When I first heard this old guy was coming to the team I was thrilled! We are a young-gun team who could use some good veteran leadership. I'm not sure we're getting it though...homeboy needs to step up.
Overall grade: D
Kyle Wellwood:
Age: 29
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 181 lbs
Origin: Windsor Canada
Salary: $1,600,000
Availability: Married with a baby.
Comments: Wellwood looks more suited to being someones secretary than a hockey player.
He is of average height & build which makes him a pipsqueak in hockey.
He is getting flack for not producing this year, but I refuse to give up on him. He's small but durable so far...unlike his small man counterparts. Couch, cough, *ENSTROM* cough.
I think he's just got to get in the right line.
Overall grade: C
James Wright:
Age: 26
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 186 lbs
Origin: Quesnel Canada
Salary: $562,500
Availability: The name of that city makes me want to eat Quiznos.
Comments: This picture makes him look like an alien.
Overall grade: Let the aliens choose.
Overall grade: You tell me?
Aaron Gagnon:
Age: 23
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 200 lbs
Origin: Saskatoon Canada
Salary: $560,000
Availability: Oh look at me, I'm Mr. secretive, I don't let people on the internet know what I'm doing with myself. Lou-dee-doo!
Comments: I got nothing.
Mike Santorelli:
Age: 27
Height: 6'0"
Weight: 189 lbs
Origin: Vancouver Canada
Salary: $1,600,000
Availability: I guess someone will just have to check & find out.
Comments: What a fun name! San-to-rel-lee!
Overall grade: Christmas!
Eric Tangradi:
Age: 24
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 221 lbs
Origin: Philadelphia USA
Salary: $726,000
Availability: Wow, look at you? Well aren't you thicker than a Snicker...Sorry, what were we talking about?
Comments: A newbie with thick skin apparently. I appreciate that this guy is gritty as I feel like Glass's departure left a big voice up front.
Overall grade: Snickers
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