Nails/the bane of beauty existence

Nails, nails, nails...

Girlfriends, why does toe nail polish stay put for 3 months but I can't get nail polish to stay on for 36 hours?

When people hear me complain about this they immediately suggest "SHELLAC! SHELLAC!"

                                                                 NO

That stuff is terrible & seems to chip just as much, taking half the nail with it.
That being said, I love the experience of having a little Asian lady (maybe not politically correct to mention the race, but we all know who does our nails) make me look pretty. It's relaxing. It looks nice (for a couple of hours) & it's pampering I feel I deserve. It's also a waste of $20.00.

Based on the fact that I can't get any polish to stay on my nails, I don't have much hope for getting a gel nail to stay put. I also feel that fake nails are like fake boobs...I don't need them & can grow my own.

I was raised to do my own nails & to make them round. Growing up I learned that this was not common. Here's what I thought my nails looked like:

Here's how they were perceived:

Poor Rebecca the outsider :(

Because I had broken one of my oval nails & had a job interview, I bought some conform-to-society square glitter nails from the drug store & glued them on to myself. They look like this:

Aside from a little yellowing, I don't mind them, but they do pose their challenges. The glue is somewhat visible. My typing speed is reduced to about ten words a minute & by some cruel twist of fate I am now the itchiest person in the world with no means to scratch. Last night my leg was so itchy I couldn't help it, I just raked me fabulous nails against my skin until finally my thumb popped off. Sigh.

Also...

Mr. Ford told me yesterday that I should get him to 'proof-read' my posts before I finalise them... you can guess how receptive I was to that GEM of an idea. How many type-os this time Mike?